You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His hands were made for my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
