he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
