Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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