Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How does it feel to date your dad?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
