I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
