Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
