he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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