dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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