I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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