i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
