Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dicks are not precious.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
