I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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