Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
