we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
