Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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