you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize