Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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