what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
