Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sober January is a disaster.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
