This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
