I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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