Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
