I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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