And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What drink are we having for lunch?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
