the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.