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your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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