This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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