I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
