I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
