I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
