party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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