and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
this hospital has no fireball
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
