STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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