wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
