Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
