I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
