just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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