He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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