Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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