Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
