if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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