batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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