I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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