Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
