She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
