Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
