i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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