Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize