my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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