I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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