it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
