I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
