i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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