I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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