Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
