pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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