He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
