omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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