Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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