Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
