Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
